$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
