Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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