worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
