why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
