You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
