She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just blew my weed a kiss
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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