Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
