there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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