Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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