we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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