Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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