On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
They should really pass out barf bags in church
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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