Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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