I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
