No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
