Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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