he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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