when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
