It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
