i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she told me i tasted like america
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
