the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My breasts were aching with rage.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
