you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
