i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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