So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
