We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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