I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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