Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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