I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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