Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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