he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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