Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
