he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
