my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
