be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
