i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
