Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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