and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
