I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
