I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This baby is an asshole
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
