He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I am never drinking with the goths again.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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