This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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