So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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