we have pet lesbian snakes
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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