you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
