I'm really into asian looking animals
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
