I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
