Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
