I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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