I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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