Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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