I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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