We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
