Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
