dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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