I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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