Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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