Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize