I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
