i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
