Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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