she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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