We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
