True but thats because hes a fetus.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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