So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Dicks are not precious.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
