So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
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She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
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Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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