stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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