that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
