Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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