i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
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My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
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DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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