My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
