I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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