You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
