i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Someone stole a lamp last night.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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