my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
