things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
