She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
