i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
