He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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