just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He shit in the fireplace
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
