that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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