So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
