3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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