Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
