I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My bed is full of blood and feathers
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
